Reconnect with Loved Ones According to the 5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman wrote a book in 1992 titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” on how romantic partners can express and experience love. The five types, or love languages, are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Nearly three decades later, the love languages are used to navigate platonic, romantic and familial relationships. Chapman even went on to write several related books on the five love languages for children, singles, office workers, and a military-edition of the book.
Ever since the pandemic started, I’ve heard frequent comments about how quarantining is especially difficult for people whose top love languages are physical touch and quality time. The nature of COVID-19 is that it has gotten in the way of our ability to easily express affection through touch, and quality time has taken a hit as well as we adapt to spending time with loved ones in entirely new ways. I’ll be honest and say that Zoom fatigue is real (and outdoor picnics tend to lose their appeal as the temperatures drop), so, as the holiday season approaches, here are some COVID-19-friendly ideas to utilize the five love languages to feel even closer to your most cherished family and friends.
Words of Affirmation
Photo: Etsy
Switch up the texting by picking out holiday cards with intentionality and writing out handwritten notes for family or friends that you won’t be able to see for Thanksgiving or Christmas. The cards can be hung up, displayed and read over and over again! Another way to elevate your typical text message for loved ones who may not be as tech-savvy is through an audio message or video message. Being able to hear your voice can go a long way, especially for people you haven’t been able to see in a while.
Quality Time
Photo: Cloudykitchen
Spice up your Zoom calls! Rather than scheduling a time to simply hop on Zoom to talk, make it a pie-baking session, a post-Thanksgiving group workout or yoga class, or a themed painting party. The tutorial can be streamed through screen-sharing and each person can buy their own craft supplies. Other festive options include watching a holiday movie through Netflix Party, or even a dinner party: have each participant order a surprise meal for someone else through a food delivery service! Make sure to be intentional about spending time with people you love this year, even though you might not be in close proximity with all of your friends and family.
Receiving Gifts
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Gifting baked goods is the perfect way to celebrate Thanksgiving at a distance with people who you might not get to sit down at the dinner table with. Holiday gift giving might look different this year but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get creative. If you’re involved in a campus, work or faith group, try a fun themed gift-giving activity like Secret Santa or White Elephant. Digital gift cards and Amazon Prime are the way to go, along with Etsy for unique, one-of-a-kind gifts. My personal favorite is this set of long-distance friendship lamps that light up different colors at a single touch. The two lamps are linked so you’ll always be able to see when the other person is thinking of you! Other great gift ideas include work-from-home goodies or comfort items, or even an Advent-style exchange - the possibilities are endless.
Acts of Service
Photo: Williams Sonoma
Frequency makes all the difference. Making your friends and family aware that you’re thinking of them by reaching out to them through text or phone can go a long way. Even asking how they’re doing throughout the day, asking if they need help with anything, or even helping out safely will help you reconnect with those that feel loved through acts of service. Maybe you help out with yard work for those who aren’t physically able to, or, if you’re an avid baker, drop off goodies at their doorstep!
Physical Touch
Photo: Etsy
Physical touch is arguably the hardest love language to utilize in showing your loved ones how much they are appreciated this holiday season. Though you may not be able to visit and hug every person you’d like to right now, we suggest practicing mindfulness and being intentional about the people in your household or living bubble. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote specifically on this, saying “Technology has played a crucial role in the midst of this pandemic with many people and organizations offering free videos and content for people stuck at home. Make sure you are taking (and making) time to connect physically with your loved one and children if you are limited to your house. Give a shoulder rub to your spouse while they work on the computer at home. Cozying up near your children as you read them a book. Just be mindful to break from the digital routine for some good, old fashioned connection via physical touch.”
Learning the love languages of the people around me was one of the best things I’ve ever done for my relationships. The easiest place to start is by taking the test and then referring back to this article for ideas to make sure that your loved ones feel cherished this holiday season.